Risk Direct Requests

Going after what you want is important if you want a relationship that works for both of you. Many people hope their partner will guess their needs and wants, communicate through complaints, or think "if you loved me, you'd know what I want without me having to ask". When we don't speak up for our needs, we do a disservice to ourselves and our partner. Not only do we get less of what we want, we leave them in the dark and feeling like they are failing. A solution to this common couple difficulty is to risk the vulnerability of saying what you want out loud. The first step is to get clear with yourself about what is a request and what is a demand. A demand is something you have to have or the relationship doesn't work. A request is something you really want or are hoping for. If your partner isn't up for it, you can collaborate for something that does work for both of you or move through the feelings that are gonna come up when you receive that message. That's a tough one and it's worth it.